welcome to the real world...

no more sch.. no more hypothetical scenarios to work on...
as they once said on FRIENDS...

"welcome to the real world.. it sucks.. you're gonna love it..."

what's spinning on my itunes...

Always On Your Side

My yesterdays are all boxed up and neatly put away
But every now and then you come to mind
Cause you were always waiting to be picked to play the game
But when your name was called, you found a place to hide
When you knew that I was always on your side

Well everything was easy then, so sweet and innocent
But your demons and your angels reappeared
Leavin' all the traces of the man you thought you'd be
Leavin' me with no place left to go from here
Leavin' me so many questions all these years

But is there someplace far away, someplace where all is clear
Easy to start over with the ones you hold so dear
Or are you left to wonder, all alone, eternally
This isn't how it's really meant to be
No it isn't how it's really meant to be

Well they say that love is in the air, but never is it clear,
How to pull it close and make it stay
Butterflies are free to fly, and so they fly away
And I'm left to carry on and wonder why
Even through it all, I'm always on your side

(taken from Sheryl Crow's WILDFLOWER)

i've moved!

to the dining room to do my work..
the furniture is finally appearing in the house...
in preparation for the guests come march 19th

i love that its a huge table all to myself...
i love that i'm nearer to the kitchen..
but further from the loo...
and away from the tv.. maybe i'll be more productive..
but at least i hv wireless.. so i won't exactly be a hermit in the dining room...

i missed the grammys??!

thankfully there's a repeat later tonite (singapore time)
i shall convince myself the shaky live feed is reason enough to catch the repeat instead...
seems like GRAMMYS are trying to be less boring...
featuring lots of performances instead of awards presentation...
oh well.. tonite it is..

time goes by.. so slowly...
time goes by... so slowly...

(guess who's opening the show?!)

marvel at my mandarin...

讲你知

看你背面我身体欠自然
看你正面两手失控在颤
看你笑脸我开心数夜数天
与你说话我哑口会无言
与你碰面我体温会乱变
与你贴面一世的经典
若你肯再拥抱紧一点
我愿意用我十年
去换我共你十天
要讲你知你的意义
每当我的心肝跳一次
没法子难制止
你是血液渗于我每一处
要讲你知我的故事
这一秒即使心再不跳
在记忆潜意识
爱是已在心中永世不变

光阴可以瞬间转数十年
生死起跌也知不会幸免
当中只有爱的感觉未曾变

演唱:张学友

good morning singapore!

a monday morning...
no one really like monday mornings.. for me.. it used to be dreadful cos mondays were crit days..
since tuesdays have become crit days.. mondays are still dreadful cos they lead up to tuesdays... mondays can never win...

but lets just start the week on a positive note...

i woke up this morning... and i simply woke up... perhaps partly due to the fact that all the festivities have sorta settled.. x'mas, new year's, lunar new year... (let's not mention valentine's since its gonna be a tuesday... and we all know how that goes..) the past month or so has been a blur... no blog in january... rather sad... but also kinda strange.. its like the missing month of this online journal... nothing x-files worthy (gosh... making such a refernce sure makes me sound old.. kids nowadays will never know about mulder and scully..) its just that a lot of time was spent wondering.. and then waking up one morning to find that time is running out... and no good can ever come out of sitting around wondering...

perhaps the lunar new year marks the new beginning... time to get into my thesis work.. time to get my priorities rite...

so on this monday morning... let me just say... thank god it's not tuesday...

the sorry state of my blog...

where have all the readers gone??
maybe they'll come back when i start posting again...
its the year of the dawg... in other words.. THE BITCH IS BACK!

coming to the end of another year...

its been over two weeks since the last entry...
i've officially moved to a more ulu place in 'eternity'...
still in the process of unpacking and settling in...
but its no excuse to miss out on the festivities...

its been a rollercoaster week... (or days rather, since i am referring to the upheavals within the last 24hrs..)
it's a strange thing to be attending a wake the night before a party...
to be stalked during lunch..
and even more taxing to haul myself out of a state of 'moodiness' to suddenly be the 'life' of the party...
(shan't get into the details.. lets just say curiosity did not kill the cat.. but the truth did sour the puss..)

but all's well ends well...
even when i thought i was not much fun to be around..
i managed to smile, laugh and enjoy the moment..
it was a wonderful BIANNUAL potluck... the spread was good.. and the servings were just right..
BUTTERBALL TURKEY, HONEY BAKED RIBS, PASTAS, SALADS (VEGE and POTATO), CHOC COATED STRAWBERRIES, PUDDING,...
the list goes on.. (ok maybe only a little bit more..)
but till 2007... we shall only reminisce...

coming to the end of 2005, i wondered how much had i learnt.. if i did at all..
i still make the same mistakes..
i still convince myself of the same lies...
call that consistency.. (now who says i can't keep focus!)
and perhaps there is no such thing as getting wiser or better with age..
OR maybe you get better at making similar errors in judgement..
and the whole process just becomes more efficient..

so i shall sit here and wait for 2006...
to usher in a resolution...
if not i will just repost this entry come this time next year!

PS: thanks for the food, presents and festive cheer y'all!

fellowship of folly..

i remember how i'd meet up with old frens.. or new frens for that matter... and they'd ask "what are u doing?" and i'd reply that i'm still studying.. and they'd go... "oh, what's your major?"... i'd say, "architecture.." and most of their responses would be along the lines of COOL... WOW... IT's FUN isn't it? and they'd start sharing what they've read up on so and so architects... and they might even ask me what my fav building is... or what do i think of the esplanade..

its strange how they all love the glam glam part of this industry... well, the part that they'd see on books, magazines, etc... (its never gonna be as glam as TV..) what they dunno is the road to getting there...

i wish for once i cld just say... "i dun quite care for the esplande... and i sure dun give shit about the architectural climate in singapore..." but i'd play along... give my rehearsed answer.. something about the debate between aesthetics and functionality... blah blah blah...

the problem with architecture is... (or would it be more accurate to say that the GOOD thing about architecture)... it is subjective... it absolutely is.. so in that case... anyone, perhaps everyone can participate and have their say.. give their two cents worth.. as and when they've finished with the latest gossip... now the REAL PROBLEM is.. in school, it is no longer subjective... you have tutors who tell you that you are wrong, what you should or shouldn't do... and the best thing is, they don't even agree with one another.. but somehow, we model the designs according to their approval...

those who've been through it.... we know how tough it gets... and perhaps upon survival... having suffered shit, gives us the right to be nasty to the next batch of students.. (hey, i've heard crappy students make 'authoratative' comments about other ppl's work... as if they'd know better...) so to those of us.. still stuck in sch (and to my frens who've just started that painful journey overseas..) what goes ard comes ard.. i bet ur tutor (yes, the arse who thinks he's so great) has paid similar dues... he's been told his drawings are crap... and his ideas crappier... (that's why they really just doodle... instead of sketching out what they hv to say)..

but the lesson to be learnt here is that.. WE'LL SURVIVE..

FRAIL- jars of clay

Convinced of my deception
I've always been a fool
I fear this love reaction
Just like you said I would

A rose could never lie
About the love it brings
And I could never promise
To be any of those things

Blessed are the shallow
Depth they'll never find
Seemed to be some comfort
In rooms I try to hide

Exposed beyond the shadows
You take the cup from me
Your dirt removes my blindness
Your pain becomes my peace

If I was not so weak
If I was not so cold
If I was not so scared of being broken
Growing old
I would be...
frail

random pictures from a night of KRUMPING..

ahhh yes.. i promised not to spend precious time doing any photo montages.. so i've randomly selected photos to put up on my blog.. for those of y'all that dunno what KRUMPING is... check out madonna's new video... heh.. the rolling arms... finger points... chicken wings.. and fat woman dance moves... yes.. think saturday night fever... and john travolta... like i said.. the good ol' days of disco are back... now i can't wait to run out to the nearest cd store to get the album.. ok.. the nearest cd store is not within running distance... damn...

porcelain

porcelain
you weren't who i made you out to be
a mere figment of my over imagination
you, immortalized
placed you on a pedestal
unwilling to see the flaws
that stared me in the face

my porcelain
broken
couldn't bring myself to throw you away
cast you aside
pieced you back together
pretending you were still perfect
hoping all the cracks would go unnoticed
if i did succeed
fooling only myself

my porcelain
looked at me and cried
shedding tears
for my pride
it wasn't sympathy
they weren't apologies
you weep because it was love
but no more

i won i won!!!

maybe i should try my luck at toto or big sweep..
but for now... i'm contented with the simpler things in life..
heh.. celeb gazing.. and the new zouk... plus first listen of madonna's new album!!
woo hooo.....

having a bad day....

i will refrain from whining...
just very quickly... my microwave died... basically all it does now is turn a bowl of cold food inside it...
bleaah... like one of those Fisher Price microwave ovens..

been having bad dreams... don't exactly qualify as nightmares... but i wake up from my nap so disturbed and exhausted...
maybe i need to hang one of those dream catcher things in my room...
bleaah...

ps: i cldn't put this in poetry format...

a third and final instalment...

Fleeting Encounters

you fell in love with a drifter
unfamiliar with eternity
or love everlasting
each smile
mocking your foolishness
every gesture
trespasses

when your joy
has no meaning in another
neither your sadness
nor sorrow
you are alone
delirium fades
euphoria turns into despair

the moment
passes
the silence
lingers
a fleeting encounter
awaiting its goodbye

i will no longer blog in prose...

Lingering Silence

silence
speaking volumes
where words fail us
a goodbye
an end
we part in silence

unspoken
are the feelings
in all gravity
finds its way into hiding
the hidden depths
of things unspeakable

two voices
reluctant to be heard
settles in silence
unspoken

an act undone
can never undo
the hurt inflicted
scars like a reminder
a memory
we cannot erase
a lingering silence

must be all the sad songs playing on the radio..

Passing Moments

the beauty of a moment
is only beautiful in its passing
being in that moment
and falling out of it
leaving you blind and bewildered
sometimes broken
in that moment

they say not to believe it
not to fall
but the heart is beguiled
for we lose all sense of judgement
in that moment
between time gone by
and then

perhaps
we live for that moment
hoping it transpires to eternity
like a fairytale
with its happy ending
lies that we often tell ourselves
becomes truth
in that moment

it must have been my lucky day!

courtesy of a fairy-sugar-godmother

puffy eyes in the morning...

well at least i'm back to singapore time...
that's the only consolation..
otherwise i'm still sleep deprived... (ok, one can't get too much sleep rite??)
but all this will temporarily end come monday...
HALLOWEEN!!
alright.. not cos i'll be going around trick or treating..
but its the FINAL deadline... yes.. FINAL... for the dissertation (i still love the way the word makes it sound so sophisticated)
after nearly 6mths... (ok so i prob ONLY did actual work half that time.. ok.. maybe one third)
it will be done...
there'll be no more papers to write for a while..
in fact... its prob the last paper for my very long stint in university...
gosh... it will all be over soon..

let's not look too far into the crystal ball...
the great unknown isn't pleasant...

now gimme some teabags... i've gotta go out and face the world!

not quite... the morning after

well most of you have heard me complain bout the braces..
throwing my little fits...
overusing the crying emoticon...
cos it hurts and i can't eat...
nothing worse than being in pain and hungry at the same time...
but i am glad to officially announce that I CAN EAT..
in fact i had CREAMY CHICKEN PASTA from pasta mania...
was surprised to find that the chicken shreds that they use are quite tender...
i little bit of munching and i can swallow..
so since now that i am no longer THAT hungry... my mood has brightened up considerably...

anyway.. caught SYMPATHY FOR LADY VENGENCE
good show.. those who are in singapore should really catch it..
a good mix of humour and violence... actually its not at all violent since they never really show the killing/stabbing on screen... unlike the america equivalent, KILL BILL...
those who are not in singapore (since my readers are now from all over the globe).... too bad... heee..
if u offer to pay i will look for the dvd and rip and send it to you...